You know this feature about memories on Facebook. I have a look at it from time to time. I read so many posts I made about delete, reset, restart, reconstruct, tabula rasa blah blah blah. Have I done anything, really? Have I reached somewhere? Have I accomplish anything? Am I still slave to old habits, to the same toxic people, to similar way of thinking, to material rubbish I collect? Does the ghosts from the past still haunting me? Will I ever reinvent myself? Do I have to? What is the meaning of everything and anything?
I'm leaving a job, cause I feel tired and fed up and to escape the routine. I'm so excited for my new job. Then the time comes that the negative feelings return. Is there really something bad about the jobs I've done? Or is just in my mind as the Stoics wrote?
Same with people. As time passes, less and less are close to me. And making new friendships becomes so difficult. Sometimes I feel like it would be great if life was a kind of a football manager game, where you have every player with all the statistics concerning him and you choose to buy him or not. Unfortunately, life is more complicated than this. People that were so close to me, back in Greece, are just people I know, now. My best friends in London that I create strong bonds with, moved back to their countries. And the more I change jobs, the less I'm interested in making new friends from work. I find them absolutely shallow. I might have the necessary and natural that Epicurus wrote about, but I lack in friends.
There's an answer to all my questions. If you know the problem, you can find the solution. Yes, I have moved forward since I was writing all these posts on Facebook. No, I haven't finished the job as I should. But I realised that every time I reset I go faster and further away from my old self. And I realise my mistakes quicker. And my reactions are faster.
I believe a new reset is needed. I have almost a whole month off work. I'm going to my home. Usually this would mean party, drinks, dance, fun. This time I really want to go and relax and taste a bit of a good life. I want to do different things than the usual.
On my way back, I know that I might find ruins. Recession leads to job cuts. I'm not certain I'll still have a job. My friends who will wait for me will be counted in the fingers of one hand.
Enough with complaining though. One thing at a time. Now got to prepare my trip. Then enjoy my trip as I imagine it. Then I'll come back and face whatever I have to face, without what if, buts or whys. Just do what I always do. Stand and fight. Stand a fight. And evaluate every day of the situations and relationships. And focus on my tagrets again. And not let anything or anyone between me and my purpose.
Another Reset. Why not? 1st of September is always a nice day to Reset! I will win this time. Or die trying.
