Heidelberg

I was in between dreaming and being awake this morning. I walked to the old building in Aspropirgos in the Wild West of Athens. My Heidelberg from 1968 was in the corner next to the green iron sliding door. Everything ready to cut. My hand made sticker of RATM "The Battle of Los Angeles" was still in front of the small lever that was cutting the air in order to feed the machine with cardboard. I put the machine in motion, moving the red lever in the middle position. The cylinder started its move. Then moved the lever on the right to apply pressure. I checked the feeder, and the exit. Nicely box-to-be cardboard was coming out. I listened to this amazing industrial sound. I woke up for good.

Brain is a strange instrument after all. That was my job for ten years. Apart from this Heidelberg, I was also working on a Swiss Bobst from 1987 and an East German Kama Polygraph from 1976, without spare parts, which meant we had to improvise to keep it in working condition, and some other machines doing other jobs. I know every single detail, button, lever of these machines. I've been under, on the side and on top of these machines. I could realise there was problem only by the sound they made. I was their master. I still believe this was the most artistic thing, I've done in my life. I would have been a good mechanic. I could have studied it when I had the opportunity, but I refused, despite my father's pressure to go to the Technical University of Crete and do it.

Anyway, I'm doing something else now, which I enjoy and I'm good at and still feel the same pressure every working day. But I do miss the sound of noise.

Walk

These days of the lockdown, I randomly walk around Hammersmith, Fulham and Kensington. I'm walking on streets that I've never been to before. In normal times I'm using the fastest road to go from A to B and this is a central road, usually. In these walks I'm stopping very often and I'm looking at the flowers and the small details of the buildings. I look at all this craftsmanship. I also see the decay.

I see closed restaurants and I wonder how it was before they close. I think of the people opened them, full of dreams and expectations for the future. I see them preparing their recipes and they are so certain of how good their food is. I see them in their opening day, waiting impatiently for the first phone call or the first visit from a customer. I see them counting the first day's income at the end of the service. I see them making their order list for the next day. I see them again counting their income in the second day, hoping it will be a bit more than the day before. I see their worry when the guests are less. I see their desperation, when they realise that they spend more than they get. I see them try to think what else they could do to keep going. And this is their only thought day and night. I see them the day they realise that they got to go. I see their sadness and depression. I see them in looking for ways to minimise their loss. I see them the day they empty everything from inside. All their dreams and expectations carried away in a van or a truck. I see them the last time they lock their door before they give their key to the owner of the place. I see them relieved saying to themselves "And now what?".

I know how it is. I have been all through this procedure. Inexperienced and naive enough to follow the rules, while the competition wasn't. I spent a whole year trying to keep it going. I got nice new equipment to get rid of the rubbish that the previous business owner used. I was buying the best ingredients in the market. I refused to steal the VAT tax, like everyone. I did my best to make the place look nice. I run out of capital to support my business. Then it was just struggle. I was so sad when this guy came and in reality he loot the whole place for a few Euros in return. Oh, yeah. I know how it feels. I wish I had the experience I gained here in London, back then. Things would be different. I now see all these closed restaurants and I wonder how this space would be if it was mine. What chairs I would have? What I would put in the walls? What food and beverages I would provide? Maybe I'll try again some day, but not alone. Doing everything on your own is so hard.

Back to my walks. I see every building separately. I'm thinking how many lives were lived there. Young couples and old pensioners and financial immigrants looking for a better life. Windows full of black polution dust that only allows a small percentage of the sunlight to enter the room. Some are really nice, with curtains always open and a light on all night to show off how beautifully decorated their living room is. Some have their curtains always closed. Some are just investments. Nobody lives there. A pile of letters and flyers from takeaways and house agencies outside.

I see a lot of nice flowers here and there. They are blooming now. They are so beautiful. I have a strange connection with flowers and plants. I believe they are feeling like animals. That when you show them love, they repay you with flowers and nice leaves. And this is really relaxing for me.

Post birthday thoughts, COVID-19 and other stuff

It was my birthday on the 29th February. Special occasion as it was for real this year. I'm feeling really calm after this day. It was like a point that I realised that life is shorter now and I should really have some fun. I had a nice gathering with friends from London. This guy, that I trained as a chef, took a plane from Switzerland just to attend my gathering and returned back straight after. And this girl that I was with for five years didn't even bother to send a message. Reasoning. It's fine. Birthday is a always a good day to count your friends, anyway.

I fell ill a few days after my birthday. Had to go to the hospital. I survived. Reading afterwards the symptoms of COVID-19, I really believe I had it. In any case, COVID-19 or not I made it alive. I'm starting my self-isolation today, as I'm out of work. I'm waiting for tomorrow to see what will happen with it, but I'm in good spirit, no matter what will come. Extreme situations require extreme measures and I'm ready for it. Not like in Greece a few years ago when the crisis begun. I'll go through it.

I see this situation as an opportunity for catching up with my studies, reading books, listen to music, watch movies, play some ukulele, rest and build some muscles. I'm going for food hunt every morning, as the super markets are empty. So I get whatever I can find. Got some polenta yesterday, the food of the Roman Legions. I haven't seen meat for five days already. I'll turn into vegetarian, I think. Last night, I watched this great documentary about the Seattle scene, entitled "Hype!". It was really good.

I'll try to keep a diary here of my self-isolation from tonight. Take care of yourselves, be kind to others and keep in touch with the people you love.

Saved by the alarm

Most of the times people, including me, say that they woke up in the best part of their dream. I have to say that today I was saved by the alarm, exactly at the right time, before my dream turned to nightmare. As always though, it was a weird dream.

Happy

A lot of people that I met in the past few days said that I look really happy. Yesterday, unexpectedly, someone wrote me the same on a pm on Instagram. Well, yes. I'm officially really happy for many reasons already and will be even happier with things that are about to come. Stay tuned. 

2020

Our great architect, Aris Konstantinidis in his book "The architecture of architecture" says that for everything we lose we win something else. It's the way that nature keep our life in balance. The year that is about to finish took so many from me. As you grow older though you know that there's never a forever thing. And you learn how to smooth the sadness in your soul. And you learn that you can control only yourself, your reasoning and your actions. And by admitting this, you also learn to forgive the actions of the others as a result of their reasoning.

The year that is about to finish also gave me a lot. Not just every day life things. Goethe wrote that if you know how to make wine, don't make vinegar. I definitely know how to make wine. And you too. Be kind to others, you don't know their reasoning. You will meet people who will lie, betray your trust, try to cause you trouble, say something and act differently, shout at you. What we call evil people. Look better. It's not the case. Those that you consider evil, are actually loved by someone. They are fathers and sons and mothers and daughters to someone. Studying Sociology the last few months, I learn that a sociologist doesn't put tags on situations. Just examines the situation on the perspective of diferent actors. Learning this in addition to the philosophy of the Stoics, made me want to become a better person. And it's not an easy task, as years and years of bad habits and ways of being are hard to change. I'm working on it and I'm making it. I don't believe I was making vinegar, but I realised I can make better wine.

As a new year is about to commence I urge you all to be kind to each other, avoid useless conflicts, work on yourself and enjoy every second of your life. Whatever you do, do it with passion. If you don't like it, try to change it. Remember, there's never a forever thing. That includes you as a person. Live while you can. And as I do the last few years, I'll leave here a quote by my loved dead philosopher, Marcus Aurelius: " Everything that happens, happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so." I observed really carefully and he is right again. Happy New Year, my beautiful friends. Be good.

Christmas

As a kid, on this day, early in the morning, I would grab my musical triangle and go around the streets of Nikaia with one or two more friends to sing the carols to unknown people and they would give us some pocket money in exchange. Some were really happy and they would even put us inside their house. Some didn't even bother to open the door. On the streets you would meet many other carol kids giving you information on who's giving good money and who's not. Sometimes, we would go to a kafeneio (=old fashioned cafe, where mostly old people spend their time, playing backgammon or cards) and all the customers would gather a good amount of money for us. Then it would always be Mr. Takis, the owner of the laundry that he was sitting in his chair and in the table in front of him, had a pile of 5 drachmas coins, those with Aristotle on one side, whose value was small, but I liked them, because in my school there was this bust of Alexander the Great and underneath it was written "I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well." and we then learned that Aristotle was his teacher. Mr. Takis would count how many kids were there and then give each a coin. At around two o'clock we would finish. We would share our earned money equally and then I would take my coins to the bakery of Mr. Kozadinos, outside the cemetery or to the supermarket of Mr. Apalidis to exchange my coins with banknotes.

At home, my dear father, would double the amount I gathered and then I would go to Mrs. Sevasti and Mr. Kostas toy store to buy Playmobil to upgrade my American Civil War (with a twist of Indians) game or tiny plastic soldiers in Matchbox boxes. I had the Red Army in big amounts, then Scottish and English soldiers and French and Germans. The alliances would change according to my will. And I would use any imaginative other toy or object, to built my trenches. Used mosquito repellent tablets was my favourite ones, always side down, so the printed brand can't be seen. No war have a sponsor I was thinking (how innocent I was). On top of this, Mrs. Sevasti would always give me some toy for free, cause she loved me much.

Then it was the Christmas tree and the absolutely clean house with beautiful tablecloths and carpets and all the new stuff my parents would buy in this period, thanks to the 13th Christmas salary, like a new colour television or new chairs or anything. And a big table full of food and traditional home made melomakarona and kourabiedes, which I had the luck to participate in making them. And no school! Christmas was great!

I was really shy as a kid, so my career as a carol singer ended early. And as years passed the Christmas spirit was dying inside me. Till it died totally. Only sometimes when I was watching this Ebenezer Scrooge movie (which always makes me cry, even the thought of it) I was feeling Christmas. Now, Christmas is just a day in the year with a special name. I had some nice Christmas days in London with someone I loved and nothing really mattered.

I like all of you, that you keep the Christmas spirit alive with nice decorations, with nice gifs shared in FB messenger and feeling festive. I keep the moral of the day. And I keep this moral alive every day, the last few months. It's about the birth of Jesus, who taught us to be kind, to care, to share, to give back, to love even our enemies or those against us. It's about compassion, forgiveness, serenity and peace. I don't believe in heaven or hell. I'm just food for worms, after I die. And I believe that soul dies as well, sometimes even if your body is still alive. But I also believe that "heaven" or "hell" is created by our reasoning and actions, here. On this planet. It was some kind words, some of you wrote to me, that kept me going, in my darkest hours, even if I never told you. And I'm thankful for this. It was some of your small actions, that made me really sad, but I never told you again, so you don't know. My dead philosophers taught me not to let all these affect me. And It's still the hardest lesson I have to swallow. I'm working on it.Anyway, make sure you are close to those you love, tell them that you love them, show that you love them. Be kind to everyone. Care for everything. Give back something, when you get, not necessarily to the person who gave you. Never deny to help those who asked you for it. Some day you'll be in their position.

Merry Christmas, my dear friends. Bless you all.